Elements Of Relationship
"Expressions In
Real Life"
FEAR
F. Alexander
Copyright © July / 2016
ISBN: 9781311574374
RelationshipGED@gmail
All rights reserved.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction / Understanding
The Elements
Expressions In Real Life / FEAR
Understanding
Elements
"In this life,
we all should come to a point of realizing that there are some things that are
more important than others and one of these things is relationship."
F. Alexander
Hopefully most will agree that relationships can be complex
and complicated, but another truth that we might not agree on is that they
usually get this way because of our lack of relationship education.
Relationship education is key and no matter the type of relationship, who's
involved or even how long you've been within it, neither will change this
important fact: all relationships are created by the means of bringing together
a collection of relationship elements. Unfortunately for us, we simply haven't
been taught enough about this process. What are relationship elements and what
about this process? Where are these elements and why haven't you heard about
them, right?
Well the truth is most of us are familiar with many of the
main elements of relationship, but may not be so clear on how to use them best.
Then, there are the other elements that we don't quite understand, misuse or
simple ignore because our relationship education isn't up to speed. Today we
will tackle learning more about just one of these elements and with each new
"Expressions In Real Life" we'll learn another. But for now, what we
need to understand is that all these elements, when bound together, produce
this wonderful thing we collectively call relationship. Although most may not
have the clearest understanding of the elements of relationship, luckily for us
all, relationship itself gives us a fascinating gift. Our gift from
relationship is all are allowed to enter, even though we all aren't properly
prepared to live within it.
Relationship education teaches us about these elements, how
to use them properly, when to use them at all and why all of this is important
to our relationships. Let me show you what this means by using this analogy:
Imagine taking a look into an auto mechanic's tool box. You
should notice how it's full of the many tools a mechanic uses to get various
jobs done. Big tools, little tools, simple tools and even some of those
complicated tools that you may have never seen before. Although you may not be
a mechanic, you can understand that these are the mechanic's tools, right? Each
tool having a different name, a different look and of course different purposes,
each can work alone or as a teammate with its partners. When a job needs to get
done, first it’s the mechanic's vast education of various jobs that she turns
to that helps her prepare a proper plan of action. Next, she'll consult with
her sound education of each tool that's presently in her toolbox to pick out
those that can assist her in reaching her goal. From studying and training, she
knows each tool, its purpose and how to use it properly during a job.
Fortunately for her, if a needed tool isn't in her box, she knows how to seek
it out. She can find it, get it and complete her work. Finally, she will plan a
start time, setup her tools and get the job done as professionally and
efficiently as she can. So the questions for you are:
Would you even
consider hiring a mechanic that doesn't understand the job at hand?
What about hiring a mechanic that doesn't
know which tool is best for the job?
If my guess is correct, you answered NO to both of those
questions, right? Then, should we also agree that being the best mechanic for
our relationships is the better choice? Within every successful relationship
that’s been created to continually shower us with the elements of honesty,
love, compassion and security, we will find mechanics who understanding and
practice the true values found within studying relationship. Likewise, each
element of relationship is a tool. Our tools should be available and ready to
be used to help create and keep our relationships running on wonderful. As
mechanics of our relationships, we are held responsible for studying, learning
and understanding them along with the tools, or elements that we use to make
them work. Our education with the proper use of our tools can be powerful when
used to create and maintain our relationship's beauty.
Although it may be widely believed that our relationships
are simply good ones or bad, this is not truth. Unlike ourselves, who were
raised by complicated people, relationships are built. Building relationships
gives us the chance of perfectly constructing them, if we so choose. Seeking
relationship education is the key here! Knowing the elements of relationship,
what they are, their purposes and how to use them properly will increase our
opportunities of creating relationships built for success.
PLAIN
TALK / From Teacher to
Scholar
Now who can honestly say that they are a stranger to relationship
fear? Although this element of relationship is one of our weakest, it makes up
for its lack of strength with its constant presence. The fact that fear is always
lurking around and can be attached to almost every emotion we share, gives it
the illusion of power. Fear has no natural power over us, but works with the
power we lend it. As we learn in RelationshipGED, fear's natural
design is an alerter emotion. Unfortunately, when taken out of context, fear is
given it's imaginary strength to cause unjustified consequences within our
relationships.
Weakness is fear's most prominent attribute. It has no
power of its own to take over you or your relationships. This is proven every
time anyone stands up to fear and overcomes it. As soon as we confront fear, we
take back the power we lent it and it returns to its natural state of weakness
immediately. But for those who lack the proper understanding of fear or how to use
it, they may remain consumed with fearful thoughts or in fearful situations repeatedly.
Because fear is within all of us all the time, the
availability to attach it to almost anything is maximized. The fear of animals,
flying, driving, heights, swimming, falling and even to success. But fear isn't
a part of relationship in any form. Likewise, we have to invite, insert or
attach it for it to become a recognizable part. The fear of family, friendship,
children, coworkers, church members and any other type of relationships we are
a part of. Attaching fear means to bind fear to any thought or emotion we have
about something or someone. How will you know if you are attaching it? If you
find that each time you think on a person, place or thing, you experience fear,
then most likely you have attached it to this very thing.
If we attach fear to our relationships or any element of
relationship, they will surely succumb to it, become weak and fail. Fear isn't
designed to create, maintain or promote any thoughts, feelings or relationships
we may have. With that in mind, if we attach fear to the element of relationship
we know as happiness, it will then change our happy moments into fearful ones
that bring on undue stress or worrying beyond belief. Taking the time to define
and understand elements of relationship like fear will teach us how to break
and prevent these types of negative attachments. As RelationshipGED explains; this is why its most important that we
all choose to continue our relationship education!
Falling in the same category as the element known as
jealousy, fear is an alerter emotion. Fear's sole purpose is to alert us to
thoughts, feelings and situations that we are having or about to become a part
of. By alerting us, fear is asking us to pay attention, take in situational information
and to prepare ourselves to make a decision based on the information we take
in, not on fear itself. This is our most common mistakes with fear. Instead of
making choices and decisions based on the situation at hand, we make them based
on the fear we feel about the situation and then attach that fear to the
situation. This in fact is how we all commonly misuse fear. Once we attach fear
to our thoughts, feelings or situations, it will remain attached until we
remove it. As you can see, although fear is weak, we give it staying power. It
will not dissolve or disappear on its own. Every single time we think on the
fear of a situation, we allow fear to take over. Fear must be unattached and
uninvited from living in our lives and relationships in this manner.
Let me tell you a little story about the first time I rode
on this amusement park ride one summer when I was young. I remember seeing
commercials for the park on television all that summer. Inviting people to come
to the park, ride the rides and to just enjoy themselves. But also in the
commercials, they repeatedly expressed how their new roller coaster was the
tallest, fastest and scariest around. At that time, I didn't have any fear of
roller coasters because I never rode one before, so I wanted to do it. I was
lucky, I got to go to the park that summer. I found this roller coaster and I
got on. Just as the commercials had said, the heights, drops and speeding into
the turns all scared me. After I got off, I felt excited, but scared at the
same time. This made me quickly think about if I could ever do it again. Since
then, I've made it a point to ride every roller coaster at every amusement park
I go to. Yes, I was scared that first ride, but I've been made more scared by newer
roller coasters over the years.
If we think about it, the intent of a roller coaster is to amuse
and scare us, right? So I knew to expect to be scared and I was, but what I
never became is fearful. Just because I was scared of the speed or the heights,
I didn't have to fear it, did I? My choice was no, I didn't have to fear it so
I never stopped riding roller coasters and being amused by how they scare me.
Now we know there's differences between being scared,
afraid and frightened, right? Although their differences are slight, these all are
reaction based and need outside situations to provoke them. Very much different
than fear, which we understand comes from within and we attach it to things
that are outside of us.
Again, I remind you that fear is an alerter emotion. Its
purpose is to alert us to what? Our thoughts, feelings, situations and even if
we need to perform some kind of action. In my research, I found by far, the worst
thing we can mistakenly attach fear to is the unknown. What we don't know, we
shouldn't automatically fear, we should investigate. People being fearful, not
afraid or scared of the unknown seems to be widely acceptable. Practicing this
within our relationships isn't productive or successful and RelationshipGED
teaches us that this is a negative commonly shared understanding.
Although many people believe attaching fear to various
things is a normal part of life, its consequences are no less than devastating
to our lives. As I have heard and seen, fear defeats people more than any other
thing in the world. Attaching fear to any parts of our relationships leaves us
constantly expecting worry, stress, pain and the worse, in danger. We shouldn't
feel these kinds of ways about or in our relationships regularly. So the saying
goes; the only thing we have to fear is fear itself! This is a very true
statement as long as we can understand that its speaking on the misuse of fear.
Over time, misuse of fear becomes a negative habit that only leaves us in
despair and hopelessness. And the fact stands that we suffer more from our
imagination of fear than we do from the realities we live in.
As we can't run from it, we can't out think it and we
shouldn't ignore it, our best hope is to use it the best ways we can. have to
out do it. Let it alert you as often as need be and respond to it with logical
choices and decisions about the things in front of us. Revisit thoughts and
feelings you presently have that you find you may have attached fear. Make the
choice not to remain fearful of things, but to investigate, educate yourself
and free yourself to experience more of them.
Below I would like to introduce you to what I call 'Expressions In Real Life' for fear. As
the title says expression, I will give you the thoughts and feelings one might
have during the height of our element of relationship called fear. I hope you
will enjoy.
FEAR; noun / verb
:an
unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous,
likely to cause pain or a threat.
:be afraid
of, someone or something as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.
I have to stop thinking about
it, I can't focus. I know he went to see her today and maybe he’s with her
right now. Both of them, laughing, smiling, joking, kissing or maybe even
having sex. I hate it! Just thinking of him doing things to her, like he does
to me, burns me up inside. The way he makes me feel when he touches me, ooh so
nice. He makes me sick! Why did he do it? And how could he make her feel like
that? What she do to deserve it? Where was she when we were going through everything?
I know he loves me and
that’s why he told me about her. That’s why I’m being strong for him, because
he only loves me. But what if something goes wrong? And what if she does
something right? What will happen to us? Will I be left to be the fool? No, no,
he wouldn’t do that to me. I’m his true love! Would he do that to me? He said
he wouldn’t and I have to believe him. I love him so much and I don't want to
love anyone else. He's going to come back to me. I know he is. She can’t love
him like I love him in a million years. But she can love him different. What
does she have that I don’t? Would he like her love better than mine? No way, not
going to happen, we are made for each other. We’ve loved each other through
everything, just me and him. But damn, why does he even have to spend time with
her?
I’m just working myself up.
He’s coming back and he’s going to love me like always. I’m not going to be
left here alone again. He would never leave me here alone, he knows better. I
am the one; she’s just the right now girl. He’s going to love me until he dies,
but will he be with me? Am I going to be the only one he loves? He said, "I
would never leave you for another." I believe him! I have to believe him,
but is she the other?
This is getting out of hand.
Why do I do this to myself? I need to just stop, because we’ve been through
worst. We are a couple, not him and her! We have a life together, not him and
her! So why she even here? She knows he's with me, why is she even here? She
wants to take him from me. She sees how wonderful our life is and she wants him
for herself. That selfish, backstabbing bitch! How can she do that to me? She’s
the devil in disguise and I hate her. She’s nobody, a nothing! But how can that
nobody take my love? He's going to walk away from me. How could he let this
happen to us? He's going to pack up and run off with her, I know it. I'll be miss
stupid sitting here waiting and he's not even coming back.
Oh my god, he's not coming
back! I sent him to her and he's not coming back! I'm so stupid, why did I do
it? Why couldn't I be what he wanted me to be? I'm not good enough for him, I
let him down. But I can be better, if he just gives me another chance. Don't
walk away from us, please! No, no, no, he won’t do it, he can't. Does he still
want me? I think he wants her. He loves her now, I knew it! That's what I get. I'm
going to be alone again!
Shoot, I have to stop! I
hear him at the door, right now. Oh my, look at the time I wasted thinking he
wouldn't come. I can't keep doing this. I'll never do it again, because he just
did, come home to me.
Are most important
I would like to thank you for talking the time to read my
writing and I need to ask you for a favor. For those whom haven't read this
writing as of yet, I ask you if you wouldn’t mind taking a few minutes to write
a review for them please? Your comments can help others know what to expect
when they’re looking for relationship information. Your review doesn't have to
be the longest writing you've done all year, just a few words to help someone
else to understand what you read about. You can simply go to the site where you
downloaded this ebook from and click on comments/review. Can I count on you?
Thanks for considering doing this. It means a lot to me and
many others that are looking forward to reading your comments.
Enjoying his strong passion for great relationships, F.
Alexander is the creator and writer of RelationshipGED. Frequently sharing his
unique perspective when responding to and teaching others on the subject of
relationship, he was urged by many to focus his talents on writing. As he
continues to enjoy his various long term relationships with family, friends and
colleagues, his continued passion for helping others and becoming a great
writer, grows every day. F. Alexander is a freelance writer, married and a
proud father of five. He currently lives and writes in the Southeast of the
USA.
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