Friendship with a side of SEX!

Can FRIENDS have SEX and still be friends?

Always a touchy subject, but what's more interesting are the responses to this age old question. It seems that just as soon as you find someone that says YES, it's possible, another person will pop up and say NO, it will never work.

The facts of the matter are it has worked for many, while at the very same time, never worked for just as many. The act of friends engaging our friendships into a sexually situation just for the pure act of sex - doesn't prove to be all bad by itself, but there is a 'toll to pay' that falls on our friendships. Weather that toll is positive or negative heavily depends on joint understandings agreed upon before the sex happens and the follow up actions shared between the friends afterward.

Relationship education proves to us that our relationships aren't built on weather we have sex in them or not, sex doesn't prove to be that important. Our friendships, on the other hand, are one of our 'top shelf' types of relationships. Ask any couple that has managed to stay together for over twenty years, how did they do it and you will find somewhere in their answer: because of our friendship.

As most of us have come to understand, becoming lovers isn't as hard as becoming friends. So my bigger question is: Can we loose our friendship by choosing to become sexual? If we truly are friends and mature about it, we should have the conversation before we engage in the act. It seems with women, the developing of new emotional attachments afterwards is a main issue while with men, it may be the idea of how long will it continue. For those of us who believe that it can work, it will work for them. But for those who strongly feel it won't, most likely it will go very wrong. A real friendship already includes love, attraction and passion to some degrees. So adding sex doesn't develop these emotions, it simply allows us to connect physical intimacy to our friendship. 

As an adult, you will have to decide for yourself  if you have what it takes to pull sex with a friend off. Either way, we can't deny the fact that it is possible because too many of us have done it, enjoyed it and STILL have our valued friend in our lives.

RelationshipGED

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What's WRONG with still seeing attractive people?

 What's WRONG with still noticing attractive people?

"Oh, she's beautiful!" "That is a handsome man!"

 Finding some one's appearance attractive isn't an insult to your relationship or your mate. 
We will NEVER stop liking how looking at attractive people feels. Naturally we are designed to appreciate one another in many ways. When it comes to looks, we will find many that are attractive and this isn't wrong or a negative act against your relationship. Depending on your current relationship status and relationship education, you and your mate will determine if your responses to attraction are positive or negative. As a team, you have to decide together which responses are best and positive for the US and practice them only!

Another thing all together is being attracted to someone! This is a negative side that's about what you will DO about or with this attractive person. Don't confuse the two....it matters!

RelationshipGED! "Helping relationships get BETTER everyday!"

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Respect - What is it, really?

FACEBOOK Feedback:

Recently, I read this post from a Facebook friend:

"I have a SERIOUS question that I need your opinion on. My daughter recently moved out of my house to her boyfriend's place. He proposed to her and she said yes. I have no problem there I'm genuinely happy for them. But, this may be old school, but I'm feeling a certain kind of way because he didn't come to me and ask for my approval. Not that I would say no, but out of respect. Am I wrong for feeling the way I'm feeling?"

After reading this, I can see how it can make any reader think or feel that this is an issue of respect, but is it?

Of course the father has his right to think and feel however he may choose, but to feel disrespected by the young man's actions, we have to first know that if falls under the definition of respect. As RelationshipGED teaches, we have to put the situation into proper perspective first. So right here, we will use The LOOK-UP Process found in KINDERGARTEN to guide us into a proper understanding.

Re*spect: noun
: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

From here, we can clearly understand that the young man's decision not to come to the father isn't about disrespect, because respect has to do with how he currently feels about the father. But according to its definition, this comes by means of how the the father has shown himself to the young man. The old saying goes: "to get respect, you have to give respect first." We can't expect someone to admire us if we haven't shown admiral actions toward them. Just as the father may wrongly feel this is about disrespect, the young man may wrongly feel the father isn't admirable.

So if it's not respect, then what is it?

This is a case of tradition and The LOOK-UP Process proves it.

Tra*di*tion: noun
: the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way.

As the father makes his case that his thinking or feeling may be old school, we can clearly see how this connects to tradition. Desiring that the young man had made the effort to come and ask for his blessing, shows the father's strong connections with his own family understandings and teachings. This is why its the father's place, upfront and first, to approach and question the intentions of a young suitor before the relationship gets to the point of marriage. Also at this early stage, its the father's responsibility to tell the young man how he expects the young man to act toward his daughter and his family.

We shouldn't propose that the young man disrespected the father by not holding up traditions the father holds dear, because the young man wasn't raised by the father to understand and appreciate these same traditions. The father can and should feel a sadness, but not out of disrespect, just for the lost opportunity to hold up his family's tradition.

But all is NOT lost! We can recover from situations like this. Our relationships will rebound if we the proper understandings and use the proper tools of repair. The father still has the opportunity to call the young man into his counsel and help him to understand his perspective on what has happened. Not only the negative thoughts and feelings of not being asked for his blessing, but to also allow for the correction by asking the young man to now come and ask for the blessing. At this point, all have the new opportunity to let go, move on and start on a brand new page.

Learn how to respond to this and much more in KINDERGARTEN by clicking here!